'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the land
Not a bandit was sleeping, a party they planned
The loot they had plundered was set aside with care
For they feared Lina Inverse soon would be there.

The bandits were huddled around by the fire
With visions of gold and gems they did desire
When the leader and his second, swords at their side
Announced it was time for all of them to hide.

For out in the woods, there arose such a clatter
The bandits arose to see what was the matter
Away from the clearing some flew with great haste
For if it was her, they knew they’d be chased.

The moon on the leaves gave an ethereal glow
And the bandits all peered to see what was below
When, what to their terrified eyes should appear
Was a girl dressed in white, flat on her rear.

With a man there beside her, just shaking his head
The bandits all stared with a sick sense of dread.
More rapid than fireballs the short redhead came,
Shouting and fussing and calling out names:

“Amelia, you idiot! You’ve just blown our cover!
And now they all know where it is that we hover!
So much for taking them all by surprise
Now we’ll just have to see where their strength lies.”

As bandits before the wild Dragon Slave fly
When they meet with the magic, head to the sky
So away from the trees the watchers did go
In hopes that they could get away from the show

And then, in a moment, Lina turned with a glare
As if she had known that the bandits were there.
As they ran from the tree-line, in deep honest fright
She cast Levitation and rose up in flight

She was tiny and fearsome, with magic to boot
And her eyes glowed with laughter as she thought of loot.
A fireball glowing in her tiny hand
And she looked like a demon who came to command

Her eyes – how they glittered, Her cackle so scary!
Her face was alit, her companions were wary.
Her wry little mouth was held open in spells
Just ready to call open the doorway to Hell

The spell that she held so tightly around her
The magic - it shown like a light hazy glitter
She had all the bandits frozen in terror
For now they would learn to stay was an error

She was cheerfully grinning, a dangerous sight
And her companions approached in the quiet of night
A wink of her eye, and a twist of her head
And the bandits all knew there was something to dread.

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work
And fireballed everything, then turned with a jerk.
And pointing her finger, the loot all arose
And giving a nod, the best loot she chose

She flew to the sky, the call out to her friends
And away they all went without making amends
But they heard her exclaim as she flew out of sight:
“Happy Christmas to me, and to you a good night!”

- With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore