Pilgrimage – Year Two

Part One

        The ruins of the castle were still as vividly harsh as I recalled them. I picked my way over the rubble of the entrance, fighting the nausea of memory that was threatening me. It really shouldn’t have been a surprise to see Zelgadis and Gourry wandering the ruins as well: we’d all lost Lina here.

        At first, they seemed surprised to see me, both recovering from shock rather poorly. I too was shocked by their appearances. Gourry was harder; there was an edge to him that hadn’t ever been there. An anger lurked deep within his eyes, and I knew that he was nursing his anger over Lina’s death, using it as a finely honed weapon. Zelgadis hadn’t changed. At all. The same blue stone skin, same quiet crystalline eyes.

        I didn’t know what to say. So I said nothing.

        Zelgadis finally broke the silence, walking over to me and looking me in the eyes. “Amelia… you’re sick…” He started a healing spell, but for some reason, it scared me. I’d stayed away from magic casting since that fateful day, devoting myself entirely to studies. I wasn’t ready to cast it, or have it cast on me.

        “I’m fine, you don’t have to baby me!” I snapped. There was a startled flash of pain in his eyes, but then it was gone before it truly registered. I regretted my outburst immediately, but it was too late. I folded my resentment around me and walked into the crumbling room where the Demon King had taken Lina.

        I took the staff from my belt, looking critically at the sapphire. Nothing. Of course, I did not expect anything. It was more a morbid curiosity to see if it would react to this place than anything else.

        Returning the staff to my belt, I turned and exited the room, then the ruins, turning down the hidden path and approaching the mouth of the cave.

        Zelgadis and Gourry were behind me. I could hear their footfalls.

        I entered the cavern, and even though I could not feel them, I knew that the wards had dropped. I stopped at the entrance and exchanged the ward-stones, then continued on into the inner chamber.

        The spells were still good; it looked as if we had only just laid her to rest.

        It still tore at me to see her like this. I knew she was alive, but they didn’t. They couldn’t. There were no signs to tell them, and not even Lina herself could get out of the crystal.

        Quite suddenly, I knew that I was going to be sick again. I could feel it. As they entered the chamber, I turned away from Lina’s grave and ran from the cavern amidst Zelgadis and Gourry’s startled cries.

        I was lying in my room in the inn when Zelgadis knocked on the door. “Amelia?”

        I rolled over, trying to ignore my friend, but he continued to knock. “Amelia, please. I can tell that there is something wrong and I want to help.”

        “Go away, Zelgadis. I don’t need any help. I’m the Queen of Saillune. I help others; they don’t help me.” My words were so harsh, even to my own ears. But what choice did I have?

        His footfalls receded, and I heard his door close. I stood, instructing my servants that I was going out, and no-one was to know that I had left. If anyone asked, I was not well and was sleeping.

        I slipped out of the inn with a single servant and headed to the Cleric’s. I was becoming tired of being ill, and this had lasted longer than anything I’d had before. I was wondering if it was because my magic had shifted.

        The answer was nothing of the sort. In fact, it was far from anything I could have imagined.

        “I’m WHAT?” I shrieked, feeling the color drain from my face.

        “You are with child, dear lady. You should return to Saillune at once and seek the care of your Royal Physician. I suggest you hire out a coach this very hour,” the Cleric replied amicably.

        I thought I was going to faint. Oh, Cepheid… Oh, Cepheid… I’m… I’m pregnant… I did a quick tally. Andreas. It had to be Andreas. Oh, Cepheid… I’m… A sudden resolve fell over me, a calm collecting around me as I did the only thing I could do: accept fate.

        “Very well. I shall leave post hence. You will be compensated for your trouble… and your silence.” I was the Queen speaking now, and the Cleric nodded.

        “Of course, Majesty. If I may be of any further service…”

        I nodded. “I will need enough supplies that my trip home is not hindered by my becoming ill.”

        The Cleric hurried to gather the necessary items, and I called the one servant that had come with me. “Make arrangements. We leave for Saillune at once.”

        I said no farewells that year. Instead, I slipped out of the city before they even knew I had left my hotel room.

        I buried myself in the Royal Duties. I was the Queen, and would shortly also be a mother. As I had little idea of how to do either, I took several aides into confidence and discussed with them the necessity of increasing my knowledge.

        When I wasn’t signing a proclamation (which I read in its entirety beforehand, as opposed to how I used to do things,) I was busy with meetings, reading history, and finally learning the people and what the Kingdom of Saillune was and needed.

        As for the mothering part… I would have to do what every other mother in the world did when she had her first child: her best.

        Time passed so quickly that I hardly expected the first pains, and was caught quite unprepared in the middle of a Consulate meeting. Needless to say, they were all pleased to already be in the city, and wished me the best as the physicians whisked me out of the meeting.

        I am told that her birth was easy. I don’t honestly recall much of it. I think, at one point, Lina was standing beside me and making offhand remarks about how I’d have to bring the baby to see her one day. But also remember that I was not entirely in my right mind at the time and it could have been a hallucination.

        But I was clear of mind when they rested her tiny little shape in my arms and two brilliant green eyes blinked blearily back at me.

        I named her Lina Wil Gracia Saillune after my lost best friend and lost sister, and then promptly fell asleep.

        When I awoke, I was alone, and for a moment, I feared it was all a dream. But then I heard the servants whispering, and looked over to see them crowded around a cradle. They did not know I was awake, and they were all whispering over how lovely she was and I was glad to know that I had such good people.

        When, at length, I called out, they brought her to me. She curled instinctively into me, and it was easy to forget everything in this world but her. I marveled over her tiny features, how perfect she seemed. And Andreas was a part of her.

        Months whirled by, and it became a common sight to see me with her Royal Highness Lina in my arms at various meetings and events. Skeptics said that I was coddling her by keeping her close. My tart reply was that she and I had no one else; we would stay together.

        And none of the dignitaries ever objected.

        They brought her gifts from wherever they’d been last, and no gift was too poor for her. She was the Princess of them all, loved by even the beggars of the streets who lived at nights in the ward houses.

        I tried to be a people-oriented Queen. I knew my people well, knew the streets of Saillune and walked them fearlessly with my daughter in arm. But all too soon came the days that I dreaded. Again loomed the anniversary of Lina Inverse’s death. I could not take my daughter… she was yet too young. I had to decide what to do. Stay, and turn my back on the spells, turn my back on everything that I had done and know that Lina would truly die? Go and sacrifice a week with my daughter to preserve the life of my best friend?

        I chose to go. The servants would take good care of the Princess, I had no fear of that. And as I packed my bags and prepared for the journey, I looked at myself in the mirror.

        I was thinner and taller now. Two years had passed since I was the frightened girl stumbling into the Kataart Mountains with Lina, Zelgadis and Gourry. I was now a woman, a Queen. A mother with child. And yet, the sapphire did nothing to greet me, that old link silent.

        I was not yet a sorceress.

        I kissed my baby girl on the forehead and told her to be good while I was gone. I promised to bring her a gift. And then I left for the mountains on my own in the night. No servants, no weapon, no magic.

        I suppose that I was lucky that my travels were smooth and my way unbarred by bandits or other uncouths. I had seen no Mazoku since the days of wandering with Lina, not even Xellos… and I knew that if he had half a clue that I had a child… well, he’d be all over that in an instant.

        But nothing got in my way, and I arrived at the ruins slightly ahead of my schedule.

        I explored them well, poking here and there, peering boldly into places that I would not have dared to stick my face in before. In the end, while I had amassed no treasure, I had learned a good deal more about the Demon King and the history of the Kataart Mountains.

        While I was eating some dried meat and considering this new information, I saw Gourry approaching in the distance. He’d grown thinner, but his armor was new and his hair was now bound. Those were signs of a working mercenary.

        When he neared, I stood, looking to him quietly. He blinked once or twice, and then offered a feeble smile. It didn’t reach his eyes. I didn’t expect it to.

        We clasped hands, but he didn’t offer any words. It looked like the years were wearing on him. As we turned to look at the remnants of the room, more footfalls echoed through the crumbling halls. It was Zelgadis, by the sound of those steps.

        Even though it had been a year since I had last seen him, the events and my snapping at him came back clearly in my mind as if it had only been yesterday. I blushed violently, wishing there was some way I could apologize. But how could I, without revealing everything? Instead, I did my best to compose myself, and by the time Zelgadis actually came into the room, I’d managed to get myself back into some semblance of normal.

        He looked at me for a moment, and then nodded quietly to the both of us. I knew that I had changed, and Gourry had changed… but Zelgadis… was still Zelgadis. It left me with mixed feelings, standing there with the two of them. I wanted to go back to the old ways, to teasing Zelgadis and hanging on every word he said to me. I wanted to watch Lina beat Gourry into the ground for some stupid comment.

        But I knew none of that would happen.

        We walked the room quietly, and then I turned to head off to the cave. I had to exchange the stones.

        Of course they followed.